Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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