Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
