I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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