Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
