I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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