yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
