take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
