the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
