Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
