how can u be prego again
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That accounts for only three of the penises
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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