I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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