Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
