this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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