Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
