There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
