you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
