He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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