I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
