I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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