So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
