I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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