when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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