What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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