i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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