That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
