I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
