Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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