It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
