my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
