everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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