Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
