dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
