Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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