im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
