Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
