Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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