I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
