I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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