i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
