Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
