I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
