If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
