It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
