the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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