Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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