I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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