so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
