Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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