I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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