my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
