I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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