if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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