So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
