I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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