Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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