wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
