He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
