I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
