I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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