I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
