every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
