Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
