dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
