walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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