seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
