youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
