I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
